


Silent

by unknownlifeform



Series: Mako green and Dust gold [6]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Cloud Strife Has Mental Health Issues, Final Fantasy VII Spoilers, Gen, Identity Issues, Snippets, follows the game story, when i say spoilers i mean it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknownlifeform/pseuds/unknownlifeform
Summary: Cloud's daemon was just a little peculiar. Always silent. Able to go wherever she pleased. But that was just the weirdness that came from being a SOLDIER.Wasn't it?
Series: Mako green and Dust gold [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801477
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	Silent

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all ready for more daemon fic by yours truly because I have more in the works

Everyone knew SOLDIER daemons could walk far away from their humans. It was just a thing Shinra did to them, when they were given their enhancements. One of the many. Most people were aware of it.

Which was why, Cloud thought, Tifa should stop glancing around constantly, as if expecting Regn to just pop up from behind him. She wasn't there. She was off doing her own thing, and Cloud was fairly sure everyone's daemon would also do that, if they didn't have to stick to their humans. Regn would come back whenever she felt like it.

People sometimes found that eerie, and that was fair enough. Cloud could understand that. However, this wasn't the first time Tifa met a SOLDIER. She'd already seen Cloud once, when he had went back to Nibelheim that fateful day. She had seen Sephiroth, too. And now she'd been around Cloud for a few days. She should be getting used to Regn simply not being there the whole time.

Instead, her eyes kept flickering towards Cloud's legs, where Regn would be if she were there. Edel didn't even try to hide his own gaze, openly staring at Cloud.

If it really made Tifa that uncomfortable to see him without a daemon, then she just had to be patient. Once Cloud was done with this job for AVALANCHE, he would be on his way. He only needed a bit of money to get back on his feet. After that, he'd let Tifa be, and she wouldn't have to look for his daemon anymore.

***

Barret did not trust Cloud, and Cloud was alright with that. He wasn't there to make friends. This was just work. He didn't even like Barret all that much, with his too loud personality and grand speeches about the Planet. It was just a matter of putting up with him until this was over.

But while Cloud could deal with Barret's shouting, he'd appreciate it if the man stopped trying to intimidate him.

"One wrong move, merc, and you're out, got it?" the man said, one finger raised in front of Cloud's face.

Cloud only raised an eyebrow. "Think you'd be able to kick my ass that easily?"

Barret took one step closer, drawing himself even taller. Maybe he thought his size would scare Cloud, and with most other people it would have worked. "Listen here, SOLDIER boy, I'm just letting you come cause Tifa trusts you, but I'm gonna keep my eyes on you."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Let's just get to work. The sooner we're done, the sooner I get my money."

Barret was still glaring down at him. He probably had more he wanted to tell Cloud, but suddenly he jumped back.

Next to them, Barret's equally oversized daemon made the same exact motion as her human. Bernadette, that was how Barret had introduced her, which Cloud thought was a frankly ridiculous name for something her size.

She was huge, for a daemon, and like Barret most likely used to intimidating anyone who crossed her way. And Cloud was sure most daemons that were not Regn would have ran back behind their humans with their tail between their legs.

Bernadette clearly hadn't expected that a small, unassuming cat would have jumped her and hit her nose with her paws.

Cloud smirked. People tended to underestimate her, but Regn was not a cute and passive little daemon. She was _fierce_ , and ready to hold her own against anyone that she didn't like. And it was very rare for Regn to like others.

Honestly, sometimes Cloud thought she barely even liked  _him_ .

***

Cloud came to his senses lying inside a church, with a strange girl looking at him.

Aerith was weird in many ways, but especially because she made no comment on Cloud's lack of daemon. Regn hadn't come with Cloud to the bombing, she had always hated that kind of loud noises, and as far as he knew she was safe in Sector 7.

Most people would startle in fear, realizing Cloud's daemon was nowhere to be seen. Aerith just accepted it. She didn't even react strongly to learning Cloud used to be SOLDIER. Cloud had to wonder if she was familiar with SOLDIERs, because she seemed strangely unconcerned for someone who lived in the slums.

Another thing that was weird of Aerith was her daemon. At first Cloud mistook him for a small horse, but quickly realized it couldn't be one. He wasn't all that familiar with horses, but he was fairly sure there was something not quite right in the way he moved. And the small horn in the middle of his forehead was most definitely not a normal feature.

Cloud had always thought unicorns would be some kind of majestic beast. They were in stories, at least. As it was, Asa looked more like a weird cross between a horse and a goat, with a small horn barely the length of a palm. Kind of underwhelming, really.

The stranger thing, however, was that Cloud had never heard of anyone whose daemon was not a real animal. Either unicorns existed after all, or Aerith had to be a weird girl indeed.

"Where is your daemon?" she asked him, as he walked her home.

He shrugged. "No clue."

"Can't you feel her?"

"I was SOLDIER. We don't work that way," Cloud said. He couldn't just _feel_ Regn when she was far away. He had no idea where she went or what she did on her own. 

He hadn't really felt her since... Well, since he got the whole procedure done.

Aerith frowned. "Are you sure?"

"...pretty sure, yeah."

He didn't know why the question kept haunting him afterwards.

When they eventually reached the doors of Sector 7, after far too much time in Cloud's opinion, there was a grey tabby sitting outside of them. It warmed Cloud's heart to see Regn waiting for him. Which was strange, because she was his daemon, _of course_ she would be waiting for him. 

He sat with Aerith for a moment, and she started talking about how she used to have a boyfriend in SOLDIER, which explained some things. She even told him his name, but Cloud... One of his headaches hit him, sharp like a knife, painful enough Cloud couldn't even quite hear Aerith for a moment. 

He _hated_ those sudden flares of pain, even more because he couldn't figure out what caused them. He should see a doctor for them, maybe, but the thought of doctors made his stomach turn with nausea.

"You didn't tell me her name," Aerith said, pointing at Regn, while Cloud tried to chase his headache away. 

"D- Regn. Regnbogi."

Why had he hesitated? He knew his daemon's name better than his own. It... It didn't even have a D in it, or...

A name had briefly appeared in Cloud's mind, but it vanished as he tried to think about it. A name that should have meant _something_.

He couldn't quite think about it, not with that headache still there behind his eyes.

Asa was trying to talk to her, but Regn didn't reply. He should just give up. Regn never spoke to anyone, not even to Cloud.

***

The night air was crisp in Cloud's lungs. It still wasn't exactly clean, but it was better than how it was in Midgar, heavy with Mako and pollution.

He had volunteered to keep guard while the others slept. Their escape from Midgar had worn him out, but SOLDIER endurance could keep him going longer than a normal human. The others had all fallen asleep the second they had closed their eyes.

It wouldn't be hard for Cloud and Regn to spot an enemy going towards them, even if the only lights were the moon and the small flame of Red XIII's tail. Regn's night vision was great, and both of them had excellent hearing. In the silence, broken only by his companions' soft snores, Cloud could have heard a mouse run by.

His eyes were drawn by a movement to his right, but it was only Barret shifting in his sleep. His head and back were propped up against Bernadette's flank. She had to make a great pillow. Lucky bastard, everyone else was stuck sleeping on bare rock.

Aerith and Asa were curled against each other, her fingers still buried in his mane. She'd been combing it before falling asleep. Tifa slept on her side, one arm under her head and the other thrown over Edel's small form.

They were all holding on to their daemons. Well, except for Red, who didn't have one. They had all been keeping one hand on their daemons' fur ever since they had made camp for the night.

It was somewhat childish, in Cloud's opinion. Hanging on to their daemons for comfort like that. The past few days had been hard for everyone, but they were all adults after all. They shouldn't need that sort of reassurance.

Deep down, a part of Cloud he was trying to repress also wanted him to bury his face in Regn's fur, holding her close. He firmly ignored it. He was SOLDIER. Ex-SOLDIER. He was trained to fight, to be strong.

Maybe Regn wouldn't have even wanted him to touch her. Cloud couldn't tell. He had no idea what she felt. A... a byproduct of what had been done to their bond, he thought. Stretching it must have made it less intense. At least, he imagined that was the reason, the scientists never- They hadn't- Cloud never had much of the procedures explained, when-

He grit his teeth. The headaches were coming back.

He couldn't remember the last time he had held Regn. He... He honestly didn't know the last time he had touched her, if not out of necessity. Was that strange? Neither of them were particularly touchy feely, and they were _trained_. They were strong. They didn't need touch.

He sort of wanted to take off his glove and reach out. Feel her fur under his hand, something he hadn't done in so long he barely remembered what it was like. Not much different than touching any other cat, he supposed.

He kept his hands in his lap. It was stupid to want his daemon to coddle him like a child. It was stupid for his heart to ache when he thought of how long it had been since Regn had so much as brushed against him.

***

"Can I ask you something personal?" Tifa said.

She was walking a little behind Cloud. Cloud didn't know who she was speaking to until he heard Red XIII reply with, "alright."

"I don't mean to be rude, but how come you don't have a daemon?"

Ah. Cloud had been wondering. It was why he'd been so shocked when Red had first spoken to them. People had daemons, animals did not, and by that logic Red would have also been just an animal. And yet he spoke and thought just like a human did.

"I do have one, but I also don't."

"I... don't understand."

"I have a soul in the same way that you do, but yours walks outside your body, and mine is inside of it."

"...I see."

Cloud hoped Tifa did, because he did not. He couldn't understand how could someone's daemon be inside their body. He imagined Red's soul wasn't quite... physical, as a daemon was, but still, where did he keep it? Was there some special place for it inside of him? Weird.

"Doesn't it get lonely?" Tifa asked.

"I wouldn't know. I've always been this way. If anything, I have to wonder if you humans don't feel confused, being split in two that way."

"We're not really split. Me and Edel are two different beings, but we're also one at the same time. I can feel him as any other part of me."

Cloud swallowed, and walked a little faster, putting some distance between them.

Regn didn't speak to him. Regn didn't chat with him in the same way other daemons did with their humans, she didn't touch him, she barely acknowledged him most of the time. She didn't keep him company. She barely acted as a daemon at all.

There were times when Cloud... Cloud was _lonely_.

***

"Regn!" Edel called. "Regn!"

Regn ignored him, just kept on walking.

"Regnbogi!"

Hearing her full name, she stopped at last, turning to him with unblinking eyes.

"Did you miss this place?" Edel asked, hopping closer to her.

She didn't reply. She never did.

"I know we all have bad memories, but we still grew up here."

Regn apparently decided he wasn't worthy of her attention anymore, and moved on.

Cloud almost felt sorry for him, seeing how he stared at her. He should know by now not to take it personally. Regn did not like others.

And she was probably in a bad mood now. So was Cloud. There had been a pounding ache behind his eyes ever since they had gotten here.

Nibelheim. Cloud could almost smell the smoke and ash in the air. The memory coated his tongue in bitterness. The heat of the fire had crawled into his lungs, and now it seemed to have never left, his chest burning with every breath he took. The light, the screams, Regn's rage filled snarling at this _betrayal_ -

No. That couldn't be right. Regn hissed and spit, but she didn't _snarl_. Her small body couldn't make the kind of deep, ferocious growl that rang in Cloud's ears. It- _Gaia_ , his head _hurt_ \- There had been a few dog daemons in Nibel, the kind that could make a growl like that, Cloud must have ran across one while he chased Sephiroth. It was all a blur, between the start of the fire and when he had reached the Reactor.

Cloud didn't have time to think about it. Shinra had rebuilt the place, and now it swarmed with those copies, moaning and stumbling, horrifying in their lack of daemons. It gave Cloud goosebumps to see them. These things were... inhuman. Unnatural.

***

The last thing Cloud remembered with clarity was Sephiroth, telling Cloud to give him the Black Materia. Something Cloud would have never done, because Cloud _hated_ Sephiroth, Sephiroth who had betrayed him, Sephiroth who had destroyed his home, Sephiroth who should be dead but was not, even if his daemon was no longer there. There was not a single reason Cloud would have ever helped Sephiroth.

But he had. His memories flashed in front of his eyes as if they were a movie, something he had not truly been part of. Why, why had he followed those orders, why had he _tried to hurt Aerith_ -

No time to think. They had to find Aerith now.

Even if they reassured him, Cloud did not miss how everyone else looked at him. Eyes wide, wary. How could they trust him, after what he had just done? Not even Cloud trusted himself anymore.

Not even his _daemon_ trusted him. Regn sat away from him, still as a stone. Only her eyes moved, following Cloud's every movement with slit pupils. She did not give voice to her thoughts, but Cloud still understood, better than he had understood her in ages.

She was _scared_.

Of him.

Cloud's arms were covered in cat scratches. She had jumped him, he remembered that. She had tried to stop him. That was what daemons were meant to do, be their human's conscience, keep them on the right track. Regn had tried to snap Cloud out of his reverie, and he hadn't listened to her.

There was something _wrong_ , something deeply, deeply wrong. It had been there for a long time, but only now Cloud truly started to see.

Somehow, he felt the answer to why he had bent to Sephiroth's will and why he couldn't feel Regn were the same. He didn't want to think about what that could mean.

***

There was gold flashing in front of Cloud's eyes. A strange, small horse, his shape exploding in a whirlpool of Dust. It had lingered ever since-

Cloud sat with his back to the wall, arms wrapped around his knees. Aerith was gone, and it was Cloud's fault. He hadn't been able to stop Sephiroth. He'd been right there, and he hadn't done anything. He had even- He'd almost killed her himself!

His head seemed about to explode. Why did Sephiroth have that sort of control over him? Had he done something to Cloud? Cloud tried to remember, tried to think back to his days as SOLDIER, looking for hints.

He groaned. He couldn't remembered anything useful. He couldn't remember anything, full stop.

"Don't you know?" Cloud asked, his eyes looking for Regn.

She was sitting by the doorway, appearing as calm as only a cat could be. Her eyes were fixed in front of her. She didn't even turn to look at him.

"Don't you remember what happened to us? When we were in SOLDIER?" She didn't reply, didn't even react. "Regn, what did they _do_ to us?"

His daemon was completely unresponsive. It was as if Cloud had not spoken at all. He tried to look for their bond, in the back of their mind, but he couldn't find it. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't able to feel her.

Nothing.

"Why won't you talk to me anymore?"

His voice had turned whiny, almost pleading.

She used to talk to him all the time, when they were children. She'd turn into a bird to go perch on his shoulder, and when she had settled she had started climbing him instead. She'd whisper in his ear, whiskers tickling his cheeks, and rub her head under his chin and knead him with her paws when they slept.

Cloud's throat clenched, choking down any other words he might have had. She was his _soul_. Why didn't his soul speak to him?

She was his soul. Right?

***

Not even a number. He wasn't even worthy of that. A number. He was nothing but a failed experiment, living in a real man's shoes. Cloud Strife had probably died years before. Poor guy.

The ground shook harder under his feet.

"Cloud!"

Whose voice was that? It was a woman's voice, but not Tifa's or Yuffie's. He didn't recognize it.

But it sounded beautiful. So much that it brought tears to his eyes.

He didn't find out. He fell, and Mako green surrounded him.

***

_Zack_.

How had Cloud forgotten about Zack? His best friend, and Cloud had completely wiped him from his memory.

He stood with Tifa in the middle of this place that might have been his mind and might have been something the Lifestrem had made up entirely. He was reeling. Knowing he wasn't a Sephiroth copy was a relief, but now he had no idea what do with himself. Get out of the Lifestream, he supposed. Save the Planet.

Tifa smiled at him. He smiled back, or at least he tried.

Swallowing, he lowered his eyes. Edel was right next to Tifa, standing on his hind legs. Right next to him was Regn. She hadn't fallen in the Lifestream with Cloud. She must have stuck with Tifa, must have come looking for him.

And now she stared up at Cloud with a sharper gaze than she had directed at him in a long, long time. Almost as if she had also found herself.

Cloud understood now. He remembered Zack, and he remembered Dalia. She hadn't been silent, or antisocial, or closed off. No one would have ever for a single second doubted she had been _Zack_ , down to the last speck of Dust. Not like Regn and him.

Cloud's memory still struggled with what had happened after Sephiroth had fallen, but this was not too hard to figure out now.

"We're separated," Cloud said. It wasn't a question.

Regn blinked at him.

Tifa drew in a sharp breath. "You mean..."

"They cut our bond."

There had been rumors going on in Shinra barracks. Sometimes SOLDIER candidates did not survive the process, and sometimes they did, but they were never the same. Voices of people being carried out of the labs as nothing but a husk of a human being, their daemons as if lifeless dolls.

Zack had never told Cloud how Shinra had stretched the bond between him and Dalia. He hadn't talked about any of the procedures, really. Cloud had asked once, because he had still been hoping to become SOLDIER, and Zack had just shook his head and told Cloud he didn't really want to know. 

It didn't take a genius to guess whatever Shinra did to daemons wasn't a perfect process. The Science Department most likely still had quite a lot of studying to do. Cloud wouldn't be surprised if someone told he and Regn had been used for a little bit of experimentation.

"But everyone knows you can't recover if your daemon is severed," Tifa said. "And you are... normal."

"Normal as in I forgot half of my life?" 

"You know what I mean, Cloud."

Yeah. He walked, and talked, and thought. For all her silence and strange behavior, Regn was a living creature, not a broken down little thing. Maybe they weren't entirely normal, but they hadn't laid down in a ditch and let themselves starve either. This was far beyond any hope anyone would ever have for a someone in their condition.

Then again, Cloud had the feeling he had been unconscious for a very long time. He didn't know when their bond had been cut, or how long it had taken them to wake up. It could have been five entire years, for all he knew.

***

Cloud's fingers tapped on the Highwind's handrails, willing it to go faster. Whenever they reached the North Crater, they would either kill Sephiroth and save the Planet, or die and let it all burn. Either way, Cloud was sick of waiting. He wanted this to be done with already.

He was shocked when Regn jumped on the handrail. She balanced easily on the small space, the picture of feline elegance.

Cloud swallowed, looking into her yellow eyes. "You called me. When I fell."

"I did."

Cloud's heart almost jumped right out of his throat. "Why didn't you tell me anything for so long?"

"It didn't feel like anything was really worth saying."

"Not even telling me we were separated?"

"I didn't know that. Just that everything was wrong."

Cloud nodded. "I thought... Maybe you were just a fake daemon."

"I also did."

A fake daemon for a fake person. Cloud wouldn't be all that surprised if Shinra had managed to invent even something like that. Or maybe even cut off the daemon of the real Cloud Strife and give it to the fake one, that would have also been an option.

Fucked up, that’s what those people were.

"What changed your mind?" Cloud asked. "About speaking?"

"I don't want to die without ever talking to you again," Regn said.

"Maybe we'll survive."

"I'm not sure I want to."

Cloud tried to blink tears out of his eyes. He was aware now of that empty hole in his chest, the same Regn had to feel too. Maybe he'd always been, but only now he knew what it was. The simple knowledge that he and Regn did not share a bond anymore was enough to make Cloud's knees weak.

"We'll get better. It didn't kill us to be separated. We're though. We'll find a way."

Regn's tail twitched. "You know we can't fix our bond."

Yes. Yes, that was probably impossible. "It's enough that you are close to me."

It wasn't quite true, but it was all they had. It was better to be a damaged and broken Cloud Strife than a fake Cloud made in a Shinra laboratory, and it was better to have a daemon he couldn't feel than to have no daemon at all.

For one long moment, Regn looked at him, and Cloud wished so badly he could know what she thought. Even if she was using her words again, that was very different from intuitively catching her mind at the edge of his.

They'd have to make do with words now. It was still better than nothing.

Regn stepped closed, and pressed her head against Cloud's sternum.

Cloud's fingers were buried in her fur the second he managed to pull off his gloves. She was so _warm._ So soft. He wanted to press her close, until she melted back into him, until they were one again.

His Regn, his soul. No matter what happened or what they did to them, she would never stop being _his_ , and he would always be _hers_. Even if they couldn't feel each other, they were still there. Always there.

"Let's kick that bastard's ass," Regn said.

Cloud nodded in agreement, his fingers scratching right behind her ears, where she had always loved it. "We'll make him regret not staying in the Lifestream."

Against his chest, she started to purr.

**Author's Note:**

> Daemons featured:  
> Regnbogi (Regn) - tabby cat  
> Edelweiss (Edel) - rock wallaby  
> Bernadette - brown bear  
> Asa - unicorn  
> Dalia - pitbull


End file.
